Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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