Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Randomize
