brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
