i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Randomize