So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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