Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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