just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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