If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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