worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
