She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
