TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
