dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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