life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
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