A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
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