What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
