so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
