Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Randomize
