your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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