Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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