i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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