guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
