i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
