I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Farmville is her only friend.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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