The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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