im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
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