i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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