I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Randomize
