Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
