I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Randomize
