Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
