my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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