In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
