im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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