I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
