I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
