No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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