I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Randomize
