THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Randomize
