We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
it's like heaven, but drunker
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
