apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Randomize
