I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
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