so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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