As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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