bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
