So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
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It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
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How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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