Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
