he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
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Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
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