I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Randomize
