Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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