Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Randomize
