Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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