I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Randomize
