Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
