There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
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