the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
