based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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