just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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