I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Randomize