out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
