I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize