Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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