My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
