I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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