why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
