Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
