five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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