why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
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