I got chris browned last night
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
