Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
