I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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