I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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