At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize