You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
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At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
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No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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