Swine flu is the new snow day.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
